Thursday, January 7, 2016

Dating Do's and Don'ts

Do’s and Don’ts



Okay so after being single for almost five years I have decided to hit the dating scene. One of my biggest motivations was so I wouldn’t be alone on New Year’s Eve 2015. Five years is a long time, but I wanted to spend time healing after my marriage ended and also to learn what makes me special.
I met my now ex in 2003, got married 2005, separated the end of 2010 and finalized the divorce in 2013.  So I figured the rules of dating has changed and so have I, I’m not only older I’m also a Mom and a divorcee. So as I embarked on the dating sphere I wonder what the rules are in this new technological savvy world.

So after polling my single and dating friends and family here are the top ten rules or do's and don’ts they say are a must to follow.  

Let him pay….Chivalry is still alive and well…. We have been liberated and is deemed independent but on a date it is okay to let him pay.  I am guilt of trying to control every situation so there are times when I grab the bill before him, but as I’m told that is a big no-no.

Do not fall in love too fast….. Dating is hard and I personally just want to find my special someone and be over with it.  But as I’m told take your time to get to know the person before planning the wedding and the forever after, this will prevent the disappointment you feel when they show their true self.

Keep an open mind and take mental notes…. Do not write off a person just because he lives with his mother or something as petty as that, keep an open mind and that will lead you to find out the why’s. Also making mental notes so that you can judge if this person is really who they are or they are just yanking your chains.

Throw out your type….it is probable not working for you… I like a tall well dressed, well-groomed man, but remember the rarest gems are found in dirt.  Don’t passed on a guy because he is not tall enough, he doesn’t have the right degree, does not speak with the right accent or drives the right car.  We are all looking for the perfect person, but that person isn’t out there instead looking for the perfect person for you.

No sex until…….until you are comfortable with the person…...  While sex is great don’t jump into bed just because, also don’t have those silly rules.  Sex should be had when the time is right for you and potential partner. Sex creates a level if intimacy that if had too early, can be disastrous to budding a relationship.

Give him a challenge….let him have a reason to want more… I think works hand in hand with don’t fall too fast. I don’t mean have him run an obstacle course but instead respect your time, your space, your opinion and don’t unload your baggage on the first date.  Maintain an air of mystery will allow your potential partner to learn more about you over a period of time.

Be your Authentic self…. Be you and not what you think he is looking for…..  When you change who you are to fit the needs of someone else you run the risk of attracting people you weren’t meant to attract. Being your true self is much easier than pretending to be someone or something you’re not.

Don’t tell your life story… I am so guilt of this especially when I’m not interested. It is a big turn off to rattle on about your past mistakes, your S.O.B ex-husband. Talk about who you are today, what your values are, what goals you are seeking to achieve.

Do not forget basic manners…. If he opens the door for you don’t forget to say “Thank you”. The cardinal rule of a conversation is while one is speaking you should listen, in other words don’t hog the conversation.  Be honest, treat your date with kindness and respect will speak volumes about your personality.


Let go of the outcome…. Okay so this one should be an easy one because all relationship ends at one point or the other.  The end of a relationship is in no way an indication of your self-worth.  Enjoy your date, show up have fun and if it works great if not then on to the next one.  

What tips do you have for me, to help me navigate the dating world?

5 comments:

  1. I agree with these points; allow him to pay if he offers but don't expect it and turn up with no money! LOL. Wishing you the best of luck and happiness on your dating quest - thanks for sharing with us all.

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    1. LOL, that is so true; thanks for your support.

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    2. LOL, that is so true; thanks for your support.

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  2. I love the point about not telling him your life story. I wish someone had told me that before I met my husband. Speaking about your ex too much can backfire. Focus on the new guy and make him feel important. He will do the same for you. Dating is a journey , enjoy it!! This is a wonderful post, by the way!!

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  3. Thanks Nerline; dating is indeed a journey.

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