Monday, February 5, 2018

Mending Fences


The idiom mending fences have many definitions, such as:

-Find a solution to a disagreement with somebody

-Rectify a damaged relationship or improve a relationship

-Make peace with a person

At the heart of it, it’s finding a way to move past the hurt, disappointment and angry.  While it is not easy, holding on to grudges and hurt feelings can be like traditions if we are not careful.

 

Should we mend fences even when we really don’t want to?

Sometimes the hurt can be so systematic that the thought of forgiving a person who wronged us can leave us feeling, as if we are asked to climb Mount Everest.  Holding grudges can be so destructive, not only to you but even so much more when grudges are been held within families.  Yes we should seek to make amends even when we don’t want to, because most of the time the reason behind it all is just a misinterpretation of the facts.  I once stopped talking to my best friend because I ask her to wear red and she didn’t; I felt if she had cared about me she would have.  Months later she explained to me that what she had planned to wear did not fit; of course I felt stupid and petty. 


Why we should stop holding on to grudges and hurt feelings?

Letting go of grudges is habit forming just like holding a grudge. Feeling hurt is natural however if we refuse to let that grudge lodge in our gut and instead seeking to let it go our whole life and by extension would be more fulfilling. Losing the friendship of a friend or a love one can leave is feeling or living with regret. 

While it is not ease to ask for forgiveness or to forgive however the other side of it all is PEACE. 

Monday, January 22, 2018

New Year's Resolution -2018


I have always shy away from making New Year’s resolutions because honestly until about three or so years ago I wasn’t a person who sticks to anything.  I lacked motivation and drive, however after spending the last few years making myself accountable, I am pretty confident that I can achieve these goals.
 

·         Read one book per week

·         Meditate thirty minutes per day

·         Refrain from giving my opinion when it is not requested

·         Put my energy into my blog by blog as often as possible


 Read one book per week- I love reading but the past year I haven’t done it as often as I used to because I was putting my energy elsewhere.  My goal is to read 52 books by the end of the year.
 

Meditate thirty minutes per day- I saw a piece on Good Morning America with Dan Harris regarding the benefits of meditating and it had me reflecting on how calm I was when I medicated every day.  My goal is to meditate at least thirty minutes at the end of each day. 
 

Refrain from giving unsolicited opinions- Don’t we all hate those people who has an opinion about every living thing?  Unfortunately I’m one of those people (hangs head in shame).  My goal this year is to keep my unsolicited opinions to myself and limit how much of an opinion I have even when solicited.

Start loving my Blog again- I wrote quite a lot in 2017 but I did not published one post on this here blog (not one). Why? Because I was so busy trying to push through the twist and turns of 2017 to make the time to blog. However, 2018 will be different I will be publishing much more this year about all that interest me.
If you have goal for this new year just know you’ll mess up, you’ll make mistake, fall off track and its okay.  After all we are human and progress is not measured by rigidity but by being consistent. 

 
 

Monday, January 15, 2018

2017 A Year of Contradictions

The 2017 year started off on the right note, I woke up attend New Year’s church service spent the afternoon with my grandparents. The following day had a great day with my son, my sisters, my niece, my nephew and the rest of the family.  Flew home the next morning on a high and settle in to have a fabulous year, if only I knew what the next few months would bring. 


It did not take too long for the wheels to start coming off, first my soon to be mother-in-law ends up in the hospital to undergo cancer treatment. To make matters worse she was my 90 year old grandparents’ caretaker. So while supporting my now fiancée, I am worried about the care of these two special people. Within a few weeks my grandfather’s health started to deteriorate and both ends up in a nursing home.  His health stabilized and they were able to return home but within days the situation go worst and the decision was made to remove them permanently from their home. 

Whew January and February is done and things will start to stabilize (was my thinking).  However, the universe was like not yet.  At the end of March I was laid off, within five days of purchasing a new car. I didn’t know if I should cry or rejoice, because I had planned on seeking a new job or cry because I have this new expense and no income in the immediate future.  I decided to take my time a job hunt for a position that I really like and not just take the first one offered.  In the interim I had the time to take up back running (running on a cool spring morning is the best) and get so much needed mental rest.  You see the stress of my now fiancée mother being sick and my grandfather’s illness was putting a huge strain on our relationship. And it doesn’t help that we are fighting so much long distance, because it takes longer to resolve minor misunderstanding.



Here comes April and my relationship is on the mend, my job search is picking up steam and wham my grandfather is in the hospital and the prayers begins.  His prognosis wasn’t good but he pulled through and we all breathe a sigh of relief but it was short lived; on April 24th at around 2 pm EST my beloved grandfather took his last breath.  These words “He’s gone” will forever hold mystique of disbelief.  In the five weeks it took to book tickets and make arraignments, I ran an average six miles a day because I couldn't cry and the sadness was too heavy. 



My job hunt came to a screeching halt, because I just didn’t know how to cope so I spent my mornings running and the afternoons sleeping to escape my new reality.  After attending his funeral and seeing my love I was able to put things in prospective and pick up where I left off and began job hunting feverishly. After three weeks of send hundreds of resume and doing dozens of interviews I landed a position that I’m really excited about.



2017 was the year I turned the big 4-0h and got engagedto man who loves me beyond my craziness. Even though we may not see eye to eye and the long distance is trying at times our future as a unit is bright.  As I look forward towards what 2018 will bring I hope I will have the mentally fortitude and physical strength to tackle whatever the universe throws my way, be it great joy or great sadness.




Monday, October 10, 2016

You're the Master of your Fate

Invictus

BY: WILLIAM ERNEST HENLEY

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.


Photo


When something terrible happens to you, do you chalk it up to bad luck or do you accept ownership?  Do you in turn give credit to lady luck when something great happens to you? No one cares about your success and happiness more than you do, so why leave it up to others or plain old luck? I believe that our behavior leads to unintended consequences, therefore we should be mindful of our behaviors.

You have control over your destiny not some outside unknown forces. You have the choice to go where you want, study what you want, get the body of your dreams if you want, and be as successful as you want.
By understanding what has influences on your actions then you can control the outcomes of your life. Acknowledge that you have the power inside of you to overcome challenges and produce positive changes within your life. In order to be the master of your fate you must master your intentions.  You are what you think, don’t let outside influences direct your thoughts; therefore be very aware of your thoughts and direct them in a more purposeful way.


If you achieve what you’ve dreamed of imagine how awesome it would be.  There are no limits when you accept that you are the master of your own fate. 


Thursday, October 6, 2016

Wash Day- I'm Natural

So after transitioning for 67 weeks or a total of 469 days I finally had enough and cut off the remaining three inches of texlaxed hair.  OMG, at first I was like what the hell I just did but then I was like this is the end goal, just a few months earlier than planned. Since I did my chop I have gotten so much lovely compliments on the health of my hair.

Here is a recap of my last wash day;

Products used-

-Oil Mix
-Creme of Nature Sunflower & Coconut detangling conditioning shampoo
-Ettenio Cocolicious balancing penetrating  conditioner
-diluted Apple Cider Vinegar
-Cantu Shea Butter leave-in conditioning repair cream
-Elasta QP olive oil and mango butter moisturizer
-Jamaican black castor oil


[1] Coated my hair with my oil mix and detangled using my fingers them followed-up with a wide tooth comb. Once I felt like it was properly detangled I shampooed with diluted shampoo on dry hair.  I prefer to do it this way so I can get to my scalp clean it properly.  I then hop into the shower to rinse out the shampoo.

[2] Once the shampoo was properly rinsed out I coated my hair with Ettenio Cocolicious balancing penetrating conditioner and sat under my conditioning cap for 45 minutes.  After my hair was cool I rinsed with warm water and followed-up with cool water.

[3] I then wrapped my hair in a towel to get out the excess water, after which I sprayed my entire head with diluted apple cider vinegar and detangled and put into six sections.  After which I wrapped my head in a t-shirt to dry.

[4] When my hair was about 90 percent dry I applied Cantu Shea butter conditioning repair cream to each section and left to air dry.  When it was completely dry I applied Elasta QP Olive Oil and mango butter moisturizer and sealed with Jamaican Black Castor oil before installing eight flat twist.



I have gotten really good at my flat twist so my twist outs comes out  looking really  great.  even though I like the look of my hair, I am planning to shape it up in a month or two so my styles looks polished.



Tuesday, October 4, 2016

7 reasons why relationships fail

A relationship with trust issues, difference in expectations, incompatible, communication is lacking, abuse, boredom, money issues and selfishness are on life support.  If these relationships don’t figure a way to correct these issue they will be dead-on-arrival.

Trust Issues- Lack of trust or loss of trust in a relationship is very harmful. Without trust the life blood of a relationship which is security starts seeping out and eventually causes the demise of it.  Trust issues such as jealousy, infidelity, possessiveness, lack of reliability and dependability will derail a good relationship so consider honesty whenever lack of trust arises. 

Different Expectations- It is not easy for two people to come together and walk the same walk however, as the newness of a relationship wears off the need to have a central goal.  Therefore figuring out if each person wants the same thing from the relationship.  Does he/she wants a Miss/Mr. Right now or do they want a long-term committed relationship.  Knowing your partners priorities and expectations is pretty important in regards to a relationship.

Compatibility Issues- Relationship compatibility includes intimacy, personality type, how they resolve conflicts. Couples these days have a lot on their plate and with all these responsibilities and the daily frustration that comes with them being compatible in how they approach life.  These shared traits will help to strengthen a relationship when it gets really hard.

Communications Issues- Communication issues is one of the big reasons that couples break-up and even divorce. Where there is respect you will find good communication but once the respect is gone then all is left is contempt and mistrust.  Where ever you find mistrust you will find judgement, resentment, sarcasm and criticism.  These negative communications is like a poison and will kill a relationship really quick.



Abuse/ Life habit abuse Issues- Abuse or life abuse issues will certainly derail a relationship.  The mistreatment of a person is a negative in any type of relationship.  This is also true when it comes to life habit such as a gambling addiction and substance abuse. 

Grown apart/Boredom- A relationship has to be refreshed frequently to prevent it getting stale or your from partner from getting bored.  Life obligations such as children and work are coming obstacle that relationships must endure, however as partners you must remain focus on each other so you don’t become strangers.

Money Issues- The longer a relationship last money comes into play and financial incompatibility can cause great distress.  A couple money issues can tap in fears, trust, feeling safe, power struggles and control.  Learning about how each partner dealings with money and having a concrete and united plan can help to stem any issues before they arises.

Selfishness– When your partner only focuses in his or her own needs and pleasure over their partners needs or for the betterment of the relationship.  When the concern is excessively place on one person in the relationship eventual it will lead to feeling of abandonment and the couple will grow apart. Importance must place on each member of the relationship in order for it to work.


May sure you spend time and energy in maintaining and correcting whatever issues that arises to ensure that you have a long and lasting relationship. 

Monday, September 26, 2016

You don't need Permission

Why do we need to seek permission to be ourselves? Is it because we are socialized to seek approval? Or is it that we are not confident enough in our own decision making? Whatever the reason just know that you do not need approval.

Isn't it enough for you that you believe you are making the right decision? I often wonder if the reason seek seek approval and validation from others is because we do not trust ourselves. Stop wasting time waiting for people to tell you it's okay. Instead accept the fact you may make an error in judgment but that's one of the cost of taking awesome risk.

You don't need anyone's permission to
-change your job
-marry the one you love
-to make mistakes
-change your dreams
- to be happy

This is your rodeo,so enjoy because it only comes around once. To hell with consent!